It’s costs money. You want coffee prices to go up? Keep at it.

Go buy some at the STORE and stash it in your fridge, ‘kay?

think about it

know this;

things will end badly.

you’ve been warned.

No, I have not seen Johnny Depp.

No, I am not excited that i COULD see Johnny Depp.

No, I will not call you IF i see Johnny Depp.

No, if I meet a crew member i will NOT try and get you a part as an extra so you can try and see/meet/touch/stalk/have sex with Johnny Depp.

sit down, and eat your burger and let me do my job.

Regular; Visits more than 4 times per week, or in some cases, per DAY!

Weekender; You come to eat on weekends, usually with your spouse or family

Just Passing Through; Never been to this particular establishment before. Probably never will again, unless you’re passing through.

*Addressing Your Server*

Below is a list of how you are and are not allowed to address your server, based on your status.

“Waitress”

Acceptable for all accept regulars. I see you how many hundreds of times a year? Learn my name, i know yours.

“Hey”

Acceptable for all

“Miss” or “Ma’me”

Acceptable for all

“Sweet”, “Dear”, “Hon” or “Honey”

Acceptable for all

“Kid”

Acceptable for Regulars. All Others, Tolerated; but not encouraged ( this depends entirely on the waitresses mood)

*Waitresses Name*

Acceptable, Unless Just Passing through; Because that is just creepy. ( name tags, obviously, void this rule

*Bastardized nickname based on your waitresses actual name*

Unacceptable, week enders get a few free passes.

If your waitress is named “Pam” don’t call her “Pammy”. If she wanted to be called “Pammy” She’d have said “Hi, I’m Pammy, What can I bring you to drink?” when she came over the first time.

“Blondie”, “Cocoa” or “Red” ( based on Waitresses Hair Color)

Tolerated for all; but not encouraged ( this depends entirely on the waitresses mood)

“Hot Legs”, “Sweet Cheeks”, “Sexy”, “Porn Star”, Etc.

Forbidden. This is not a bar; We serve food. Besides, there is probably a little kid behind you;jackass.

*Slap On the Ass*

Expressly forbidden, and will result in your removal from said establishment, usually not by the waitress or the owner/manager; but by one or more of the “regulars” . Being drunk, high, “too young” “too old”, etc does not dismiss you from this rule.

Please note that these rules also apply to your server addressing you.

If you come in wearing a dirty work jacket in your old truck, you can safely bet I’m not calling you “Sir” all day.

You’re “Hon” or “Dear” If you don’t like it, tell me your name.

I have a pen, I can write it down.

If you’re in a suit, you’re “Sir”, unless you tell me your name.

because i can’t

Believe it or not, not the SAME Angry Waitress.

There are more than one?

Shocking.